I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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