remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
