I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
