: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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