I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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