You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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