im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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