I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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