hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
