mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
