That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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