Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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