Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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