Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
