I got chris browned last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
