I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
