this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
