I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
