she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
