If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
