I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
