She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
