Well apparently he's into motor boating.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
