I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
