Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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