He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
