just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
