She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
