k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize