remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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