why didn't you poke me back
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
