can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
