just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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