Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
