found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My life is pants optional.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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