Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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