you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize