You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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