Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
