I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize