I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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