I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize