Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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