dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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