Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
