I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just threw up on my dentist
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize