dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
last night I used snow as a chaser
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
