he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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