I'm passing your future prison.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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