Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
