wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
