Ambien. No doubt about it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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