i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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