i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They took my balls.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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