Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
