I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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