she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
