Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
