I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
