dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
