Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
either way he was missing a nipple.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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