This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
