i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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