Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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