You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
