Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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