My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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