we're blogging at a bar
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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