Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Two words: nipple clamps
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