census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
