so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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