mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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