i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
