Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
