Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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