they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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