Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
