neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
