Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
