This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
