Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
