ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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