Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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