What did we do last night that was yellow?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my poor anus
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize