Small penises have feelings too.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
