He passed out mid-signature
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize