I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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