My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
