One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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