It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
