His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
