I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
