Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i think my cat just said my name.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize