Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
