you traded sex for a burrito?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
