Just cropdusted the office
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
