the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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