Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
