if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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