omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
