We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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