It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
