Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
