Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
