Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize