my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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