would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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