there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
